Horoscope Predictions for The Final Week: Top Ten (+1)
Friday November17, 2006
Another 4 star week to
end the year…
SEE HOW BRENDA DID ON
CHASE CHAMPIONSHIP PREDICTION BELOW! (click
JIMMY JOHNSON ****
Ouch! Remember last week? Well, sometimes the past is
better than the now. No vigor for Virgo this week. Can
you still win it? Not this race. There’s going
to be some kind of breakdown, either with the radio,
the pit crew or your “inner-valve.” I think
those nice boys from Led Zeppillen said it best, “Communication
Breakdown.” But, and this is one of those big
buts, you still win it all but the prize is a little
marred by the journey.
Congratulations, you nice,
nice boy. I would give myself five stars but since you
kept that “inner valve” under control, I’ll
just take four.
2) MATT KENSETH ***
Matt, my survivor boy, the stars look more like a eulogy
than a party. I think you just care too much and today,
for whatever reason, you push early and fade late, fade
into the sweet, sweet smell of exhaust and “could-have-beens.”
Better than expected”
hardly ever leads to a victory dance. But you had a
great year and I with just a bit of practice you could
even act like you were having fun!
3) DENNY HAMLIN ****
Hmmm, the competition above you is going to stink it
up today so, birthday boy, you will see that neon sign
that screams “opportunity!” Trouble, like
a bad rash, just won’t go away and all day you
fight a car that wants to love the wall and you fight
even harder against a driver that wants to love himself.
Tune out the swelling pride and tune into the track
and maybe, just maybe, you will get the biggest birthday
present in stock car racing history. Are you old enough
to go clubbing in NY?
Oh, my make me look so good!
And I love the commercial with your momma in that helmet.
Send me some cookies, will ya?
4) KEVIN HARVICK ****
Sorry, Happy, but the stars are frownin’ today.
Yes, you will get “best move of the day”
but it won’t be enough, not near enough. You’ll
be looking up at the leader board and slipping down
on the Chase board. Too bad the Chase didn’t go
until Thanksgiving because next week someone else would
have been the turkey!
I wish you could have done
just a bit better. I was rooting for you, Kevin, but,
hey, if someone in your shoes finds himself complaining,
they need to get some new shoes! Wonderful job, and
Chip says “Hi!”
5) DALE, JR **
The south shall rise! I know, I say that just about
every week, but with 1 through 4 above doing a dance
with the devil you get to stay right here on earth.
No, this will not be a grasp for the brass ring but
this will be a fine way to rise up, my boy, rise up
to the podium and toast a victory, a victory I say!
Had that stinkin’ race
ended before that horrible pit stop… Oh, I know,
never look back. But I have to say, when you were running
down other drivers like they were butterflies in a Texas
corn field, I thought I had kissed the blarney stone.
Have a wonderful off season, and try to keep those Wranglers
6) JEFF GORDON *****
It’s all about soul searching as you oval the
oval today, Jeff, because you just aren’t going
to do too good. You ask yourself, as you fumble along;
“What happened to the glory days when all the
boys envied me and I drove around to a chorus of fans
and fingers?” Well, heck, Jeff, I think you just
raised the bar, seriously, and if you want ’07
to be as much fun, you’ll just have to raise it
Am I right or am I right?
See you next year Jeff and congratulations on your new
7) JEFF BURTON ***
Well, well, well. You see that guy right ahead and sometimes
behind you? That’s your old buddy, Dale. It’s
fun to be back out front, ain’t it? It must have
to do with pressure and I’m not talking about
those tires. It’s just your week and Nextel’s
week to breathe a sigh of relief that Cingular didn’t
do this good for ten weeks! Enjoy the sweat, feel the
Oh, Mr. Burton, calling Mr.
Burton! You and Dale did indeed dance around one another
all day, just not as far up front as I thought. There
will be next year and I think you are going to have
sooooo much fun.
8) MARK MARTIN *****
Don’t take today too seriously, Mark. You’re
going to feel “old” after this one, watching
all the “boys” get pats on the back and
questions about their future. You get those loaded media
queries where the only question about tomorrow is loaded
in the weight of yesterday. Sure, people drive different,
but they used to dance different too! Get freaky and
have some fun, but don’t hope for much.
Don’t pull a back muscle.
9) KASEY KAHNE *****
Kasey, my boy, it’s another good one for you.
Maybe gold, maybe silver, maybe bronze but man-o-man
are you going to have some fun this week! What a great
way to kiss ’06 goodbye. Okay, you’re just
trying to win it, but you almost put Jimmy out of the
winner’s circle and then, somehow, you put him
I say that all the drivers
will be watching you next year. Go Kasey!
10 And 11) KYLE BUSCH and
TONY STEWART *****
Kyle, look right below you in the standings, below that
line that divides “might win from can’t
win” and you will see your fellow Taurus, Tony
Stewart. You guys just prove that the planets rule the
planet. Today, it’s going to be mediocre, introspective
and though you’all try, trying isn’t nearly
as much fun as just letting it all hang out. Toney,
sometimes it’s hard to climb fences, and, Kyle,
even harder to mend them.
Kyle, you really need to
take a chill pill and Tony… well, just keep doing
what you’re doing just do it earlier next year!
FINAL CHASE RESULTS
(How did I do? $
for on the money, * for off…)
(YEAH, YOU WIN IT. I guess teeth do have skin.)
2) DENNY HAMLIN *(3)
(Close, and a cigar)
3) DALE, JR. *(5)
(Not bad, considering, and victory has great taste and
is less filling)
4) MATT KENSETH *(2)
(Less fun than a barrel full of monkeys)
5) KEVIN HARVICK *(4)
(Keep comparing this to years past!)
6) JEFF GORDON
(No top five or high five in sight)
7) JEFF BURTON
(Not so close, not so far. We hope Ward is back and
grants lots of interviews!)
8) KASEY KAHNE
(Don’t slow down, just keep driving all the way
9) MARK MARTIN
(No rocking chair, just rock and roll in ‘07)
10) KYLE BUSCH
(Call it a learning experience, just don’t take
|Dale Earnhardt Jr.